if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
