i think my tv is drunk
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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