Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
