how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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