You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
