Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
