I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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