went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
