i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
