so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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