Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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