So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
