wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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