Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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