i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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