Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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