in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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