If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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