This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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