I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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