How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
