Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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