just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
