JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
