Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
