What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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