sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
