I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
