If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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