I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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