i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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