y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
