he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
