Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
