i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
