I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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