Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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