I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
