I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
