is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
