No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Plan B is the new Plan A
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
