I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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