Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
