I need to stop coming to work sober
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
