that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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