A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
