At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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