Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
