Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Your face is a jimmy john
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My bed smells like the plague
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
