I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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