Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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