oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
