the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
