6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
