when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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