She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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