I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
