dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
