That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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