Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
zippers are such a cool invention
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman