like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.