be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just gargled with NyQuil
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.