i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
