have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?