Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?