I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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