Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
