someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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