Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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