Need sex. Gaining weight.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
