Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
