I am in a vortex of obligation.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
