I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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