I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
